To lose my beloved mother was not something I ever imagined would happen at this stage of my life. She was so strong, both mentally and physically, that I thought she might make it well into her nineties. When my father died four years ago, she carried on with her typical stoicism despite missing him terribly. When spinal stenosis reared its ugly head and began to cripple her, she battled through the pain until we got her the Cadillac of walkers and had her floating happily in a pool to stretch her spine. Like the energizer bunny, she just kept on going. It wasn’t until two months before her death that she exhibited symptoms of, and was diagnosed with, stage IV stomach cancer. When she heard the diagnosis, she responded with admirable courage and grace, “I have had a wonderful, long life. Eighty-three years is nothing to sneeze at. It is what it is.” She opted for no treatment and maintained her sense of humor up until her final days.
The past ten months tested me like nothing I have experienced in my life. It was a struggle for me to accept the fact that she was actually going to die and heartbreaking to hold her hand as she took her last breath. But I soon realized that she left me her strength. Though it has taken many months, I am able to accept that it was her time to go and to be grateful for the blessings surrounding the end of her life. I have even come to understand that holding her hand until the end was a gift to me.
My mother loved butterflies. From her clothing and purses to china and bedding, there were butterflies papering her life. It is no wonder that I am now being visited by butterflies regularly, especially when a memory of her brings a crying jag. With them comes her voice telling me to make the most of each day, to use the gifts God gave me for his pleasure, and to not be sad because she will always be with me.
My writing took a back seat as I dealt with this colossal life change, but I am back with a renewed sense of purpose. I am inspired by both my mother’s life and death and the courage and grace with which she accepted things beyond her control. There is a story in this…
The Daffodil…
And now here come the daffodils,
The trumpeters of spring,
All tooting joy, which thrills and
thrills,
The while again they bring
Their happiest note attuned with
cheer
To tell that spring is truly here.
Charles A Heath
For me, there is no more cheerful harbinger of spring than the Narcissus pseudonarcissus (Latin), or the commonly known daffodil. These cheery bulbs herald the end of winter, promising longer days and sultry nights, bicycle rides and ice cream cones, and crackling thunderstorms to cool the sizzling days. Pushing through the lingering piles of dirty snow and ice, they trumpet their arrival with a proud display of bright hues: verdant green, yellow, orange, white. As the spring rains attempt to pummel them back into the earth, they stand resolute in their purpose, making me admire them all the more. Daffodils are a dash of sunny yellow on cloudy day, a symbol of hope, faith and renewal, assuring us that the dark, depressing days of winter will soon come to an end and the earth will amaze us with her glory.
Winter Poetry to Warm the Soul
In the warming house, children lace their skates,
bending, choked, over their thick jackets.
A Franklin stove keeps the place so cozy
it's hard to imagine why anyone would leave...
~ Gail Mazur, "Ice"
As the stores close, a winter light
opens air to iris blue,
glint of frost through the smoke
grains of mica, salt of the sidewalk...
~Denise Levertov, "February Evening in New York"
The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.
~ Robert Frost, "Dust of Snow"
The sun escapes
The stubborn clouds
To kiss my face
And shed the shroud...
~ Marielena Martin, "Winter Sun"
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
Each new year, as I consider resolutions to improve life for myself and those around me, ‘trying to be more loving and forgiving’ makes the top of the list. Of course, there are a few less weighty intentions that follow, but this aspiration strikes me as being the most beneficial for myself, my family, friends, acquaintances, and the strangers I encounter each day. Rising earlier, committing to daily exercise, reading the entire Bible (a resolution I made two years ago, and I am just getting to the New Testament – there are millions of words in the Bible, many of which require a special dictionary!!), keeping a gratitude journal (this year’s No. 2), and working to correct my posture, etc. are just for me, but in this world gone mad (there seems to be an overabundance of anger swirling around with the unrelenting coronavirus), my number one resolution feels to me to be the most important. So, in keeping with my resolution, I send out my love and ask your forgiveness for grammatical errors or any offense I have may have caused with this message.
Wishing everyone a blessed and peaceful 2022!
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“Reflect upon your present blessings – of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” Charles Dickens
This time of year, Marley and his host of spiritual conspirators enter my heart and home via a well-worn edition of Dicken’s classic, A Christmas Carol, or one of the various film adaptations of his immortal tale. I am partial to the film, Scrooge, starring Albert Finney, because of the music, the dancing, and the sets, which I associate with the holiday season and a true Dickensian Christmas. Whatever an individual’s preference, I imagine many of us will revisit this tale of transformation over the next several weeks.
Of all the ghosts who visit Ebenezer Scrooge on that fateful Christmas Eve, I find the Ghost of Christmas Present to be the most important. He is the reminder of our blessings in the moment, which I, for one, often take for granted. Though we can learn from our past, it cannot be undone, while our futures are shaped by the choices we make today, tomorrow, and so on. The Ghost of Christmas Present drives this point home by helping Scrooge realize how fortunate he is compared to others. The jolly spirit helps him see how he can positively impact the lives of those around him, whether it be the poorest of poor, in the case of Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim, or those who have plenty, in the case of his nephew and his wife, who would be delighted by him accepting their invitation to Christmas lunch or to be on friendly terms.
After a night of viewing the world through three different lenses (past, present and future), Scrooge’s kind and generous spirit is awakened by his ability to acknowledge his current blessings and to embrace the joy of being alive in in that moment.
Dickens wrote of A Christmas Carol… “I have endeavored in this Ghostly little book, to raise the Ghost of an Idea, which shall not put my readers out of humour with themselves, with each other, with the season, or with me. May it haunt their houses pleasantly, and no one wish to lay it.”
Indeed, it continues to haunt my house pleasantly.
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MY LOVE OF GIRAFFES
One of my favorite animals is the giraffe. They are towering, silent (aside from the occasional threatening snort or hiss), majestic creatures who move with extraordinary fluidity across the savannah. Their patchwork hide is whimsical, as are many of their expressions, and they are a curious bunch. My love of these silly, reticulated animals led me to adopt an orphaned giraffe named Kiko, who was taken in by the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Nairobi, Kenya, in September of 2015. Through their Orphan’s Project, which is primarily devoted to rescuing elephants orphaned as a result of poaching, I was able to adopt Kiko and follow his journey from a youngster, who lived and played among baby elephants and befriended a blind rhinoceros, to an adult being reintegrated into the wild. It was my great fortune to be able to meet and visit with Kiko at the Nairobi nursery in 2019, shortly before he was moved to Sirikoi within Lewa Wildlife Conservancy to begin his reintegration. I think Kiko sensed my affection for his kind, and we took to one another instantly. His comfort in my presence and his loving nature left an imprint upon my soul and secured the giraffe’s standing on my list of favorite animals.
I have adopted baby elephants through the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust as well, but Kiko holds a special place in my heart. If you have a love of elephants, you might like to visit https://www.sheldrickwildlifetrust.org to see the orphans in the nursery. You may even catch a glimpse of Kiko frolicking with his elephant friends.